The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent and Depraved

Note: It is Friday -Derby Eve- and is the usual custom around here, I offer the following for your enjoyment. It is a timeless classic written by a native Louisvillian. Have a safe and exciting weekend. And remember the "good times" as detailed in the story below - back when the horses were bred and run for the sport instead of the money. - Brian

The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent and Depraved

by Hunter S. Thompson


I got off the plane around midnight and no one spoke as I crossed the dark runway to the terminal. The air was thick and hot, like wandering into a steam bath. Inside, people hugged each other and shook hands...big grins and a whoop here and there: "By God! You old bastard! Good to see you, boy! Damn good...and I mean it!"

In the air-conditioned lounge I met a man from Houston who said his name was something or other — "but just call me Jimbo" — and he was here to get it on. "I'm ready for anything, by God! Anything at all. Yeah, what are you drinkin?" I ordered a Margarita with ice, but he wouldn't hear of it: "Naw, naw...what the hell kind of drink is that for Kentucky Derby time? What's wrong with you, boy?" He grinned and winked at the bartender. "Goddam, we gotta educate this boy. Get him some good whiskey..."

I shrugged. "Okay, a double Old Fitz on ice." Jimbo nodded his approval.

"Look." He tapped me on the arm to make sure I was listening. "I know this Derby crowd, I come here every year, and let me tell you one thing I've learned — this is no town to be giving people the impression you're some kind of faggot. Not in public, anyway. Shit, they'll roll you in a minute, knock you in the head and take every goddam cent you have."

I thanked him and fitted a Marlboro into my cigarette holder. "Say," he said, "you look like you might be in the horse business...am I right?"

"No," I said. "I'm a photographer."

"Oh yeah?" He eyed my ragged leather bag with new interest. "Is that what you got there--cameras? Who you work for?"

"Playboy," I said.

He laughed. "Well, goddam! What are you gonna take pictures of — nekkid horses? Haw! I guess you'll be workin' pretty hard when they run the Kentucky Oaks. That's a race just for fillies." He was laughing wildly. "Hell yes! And they'll all be nekkid too!"

I shook my head and said nothing; just stared at him for a moment, trying to look grim. "There's going to be trouble," I said. "My assignment is to take pictures of the riot."

"What riot?"

I hesitated, twirling the ice in my drink. "At the track. On Derby Day. The Black Panthers." I stared at him again. "Don't you read the newspapers?"

The grin on his face had collapsed. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

Derby Week starts off with BANG as bin Laden killed, buried at sea

- So it looks like Derby Week 2011 begins with the killing of the world's most hated bastard, Osama bin Laden, brought to you by the boys of Navy SEAL Team Six. I don't know about you, but I'm sure glad that shady, ruthless gang of experts is on our side. Let's hear it for government employees!

Don't you wish we could kick off like this every year? Hell, I'd even buy a Pegasus Pin from that other shady, ruthless gang of experts - Kentucky Derby Festival, Inc.

While some fear the killing of bin Laden might spur some sort of backlash, others are taking it in stride and I am one of them. The news is sure to clear away any lingering fear and doom left over from the torrential rains and set people in Louisville to Party Mode.

-  To encourage Louisville residents and Derby Eve revelers to plan ahead for a safe ride home, Miller Lite Free Rides™ is offering free bus and trolley service on Derby Eve in partnership with the Transit Authority of River City, Kentucky Derby Festival and River City Distributing. For the third consecutive year, free bus and trolley service will be provided Friday, May 6, from 6 p.m. until 1 a.m., courtesy of Miller Lite. Rides on all regularly scheduled TARC bus routes will be free, and a special free trolley service will run every 10 minutes until midnight on the Main-Market route, just south of Waterfront Park. Bus and trolley service will travel to popular Derby Eve destinations including restaurants, bars, neighborhood events and the Derby Eve concert presented by Miller Lite at Waterfront Park. For additional route and schedule information, visit www.MillerLiteFreeRides.com, text "FREE RIDE" to 30364 or call 1-800-FREE RIDES (1-800-373-3743).

Monday news: Public meeting tonight for Southwest Greenways

- TONIGHT - Southwest Greenways Public Meeting at Fairdale Playtorium 6 to 7:30 PM. Need public input for new trails to connect neighborhoods to the Louisville Loop!

- Vegas odds say UK is the 8-5 favorite to win it all. [WHAS11]

- The insatiable greed continues with the Kentucky Derby Festival people. The Kentucky Center for the Arts had to cancel its annual fireworks party because of a dispute over Belvedere access. [Business First]

- Read about Jeffersonville's plan to build a canal to carry treated water to the Ohio river. Cheaper than underground pipes, the canal idea isn't unusual and has some benefits. But to whom? [LEO Weekly]

Councilman Ackerson hits Kentucky Derby Festival over admission charge

The silliness surrounding the "name change" of the Kentucky Derby Festival by dropping the "Kentucky" part will never end. I, for one, will continue to call the festival by it's proper name.

But that's not the only new and generally stupid idea that is "all new" for this year's Kentucky Derby Festival.

In what seems to be the beginning of the end, the gang is instituting a cover charge for Great Lawn seating for the fireworks. (I hope it snows.)

In light of this embarrassing and greedy cash-grab, Councilman Brent T. Ackerson (D-26) has issued the following statement to the Kentucky Derby Festival:

“Like other members of the Metro Council, I represent people who could easily afford this new cost for admission. But I also serve families for whom this would be a great burden. Our waterfront serves as the People’s Park, a park which their tax dollars helped to build and continues to maintain. And Thunder is one of the signature events during the Kentucky Derby Festival which appeals to nearly everyone. We should not allow Waterfront Park and Thunder Over Louisville to be fenced off, placed out of the economic reach for our citizens, especially when the revenues from the sale of the Pegasus Pins are not going to the public coffers.”

Hats off to Councilman Ackerson. Now, will someone on the council please introduce an ordinance that prohibits charging citizens admission for the use of their own public park space for a public event?

Friday Update: Endless Madness

I am having mechanical difficulties with the hot tub at Headquarters today, so upon submitting the following report I will attempt a more conventional method of relaxation that may or may not involve brewed beverages and some companionship of questionable character. But fear not, your Friday Update is NOW:

- In a passing reference, I had mentioned The Pie Pantry at 9208 Dixie Highway near Johnsontown Road is no longer open for business. I had one comment and a few emails on the subject, so I thought the item should get its own sentence. The Pie Pantry, sadly, is no more. We initially received a rumor that it was to re-open at a different location, but have heard nothing else.

The Pie Pantry, opened with much fanfare, received a write-up in the Courier Journal and was the recipient of several favorable reviews.

- JPMorgan Chase is being accused in a lawsuit of being "at the center" of the Bernie Madoff scheme. In recent years, Chase has been sued more times than the National Enquirer. In case you didn't know how I feel about Chase, click HERE. Also, today (Friday) around noon at the Chase branch in Louisville located on Baxter Ave., there will be a protest by activists bringing awareness to Chase's actions on home foreclosure and the bank's dealings with tobacco farm workers. Read more about that HERE.

Diggity Dave

- In light of the news about the Kentucky Derby Festival people temporarily dropping "Kentucky" from the name this year, it has occurred to me and my Advisory Board that this may be a first step in an attempt to bring in a corporate sponsor for the festival. Example: The 2012 Humana Derby Festival, or The 2013 Humana-YUM! Brands-Advance Auto Parts Derby Festival.

Idea: Let's have the 2011 Jim Butner Auto Sales Pegasus Parade Sponsored By Jim's Towing featuring  Diggity Dave as this year's Grand Marshall. If you're gonna go off the deep end, go big.

I bet you can't wait for the fun to start.

Happy Derby Day

I wish you all well today. Pick a winner, and good luck.

http://www.kentuckyderby.com/2009/

St. Paul's Derby Celebration Starts Tonight!

My friend David Yates passed this information on to me today. If you don't have plans, this is the place to be in SW Louisville!

I thought your readers might be interested to know that St. Paul's Derby celebration continues tonight and Friday Derby Eve 5 pm - 11 pm. There is free live music performed by DC-6 Band , Spare Change Band and Rock Station. Smoked Pulled Pork Sandwiches, Roast Beef and much more will be served along with Ice Cold Budweiser and Coca-Cola products. The show will go on rain or shine under the big tent. Its a great event here in the south-end.

Wednesday Headlines

- Head on over to Broken Sidewalk this afternoon and vote in the BS Neighborhood Derby. The match-up is between South Louisville and New Albany, and as of right now, South Louisville is running behind! Follow the link above and vote today!

- The theme for this year's Pegasus Parade has been set. Thankfully, "Destinations and Discoveries" beat out "Divorce and Depression" by a wide margin.

- The Courier-Journal is reporting that laid-off workers may be eligible for a free class per semester at any of the 16 community colleges in the state. Please take advantage of this valuable program if possible.

- The plans to locate a Qdoba Mexican Grill in front of The Home Depot in Southwest Louisville has been abandoned due to problems with the developer. This does not, however, indicate one will not be built. The search is still on for a suitable location.

It's Derby, Man....

During my youth, my best friend and I based our annual activity calendar on Kentucky Derby Day. Derby was the start of our outdoor party season. "Derby", as a word, also had an alternate meaning for us. "Derby" was an excuse, or rather an urge, to do something ridiculous. In the middle of September while camping in Butler County, Kentucky, someone had the bright idea to drink moonshine and go fishing in the middle of the night. While at first resisting, we relented after someone said, "It's Derby, man!". Regretful, yes, but true nonetheless.

Soon the Derby will be upon us once again, and with it, all that is good about being in Kentucky during the month of May. The Kentucky Derby Festival is cranking up the hype machine now. Tickets for Kentucky Derby Festival events can be purchased at their main office on 1001 South Third Street. Tickets for the Pegasus Parade and Wine Fest can be purchased online HERE. Get your seats now for the Great Steamboat Race, Thunder, and Pegasus Parade. Tickets for the AT&T Fashion Show, They’re Off Luncheon, Running Wild Pasta Dinner, and Wine Fest can also be purchased at the office. Office hours are Monday-Friday 9 am to 5 pm daily.

Thanks to The Local Weekly for the info. Buy some tickets. Get out of the house. Do something ridiculous. It's Derby, man.