Friday, January 30, 2009

Extreme Behavior at Thornton's

In an act of extreme weirdness and seeming desperation, one short, stocky bald guy took on 6 athletic-looking 20-somethings in the parking lot of a Southwest Louisville gas station yesterday afternoon. It is not known what started the confrontation, but I can relate to you what I witnessed there. It was a lively exchange, to say the least.

The bald guy was leaving the gas station, waiting to exit onto Dixie Highway when one of the youths ran up to the bald guy's car, jumped into the air and delivered a hard slap to the passenger door window. The bald guy, now enraged, flew out of the car, procured a baseball bat and approached the offending window-slapper. As the bald guy got closer to his target, setting up to tee off on the offender's skull, five (5) more youths scattered out of a white Oldsmobile. The bald guy, now out-numbered six (6) to one (1) kept moving forward and exclaimed, "I am not afraid [of you punks], bring it on."

The six youths expressed surprise towards the determination of the bald guy, and four (4) of them retreated like cowards while continuing to hop up and down and yell threats. One (1) continued to move toward the bald guy and one (1) other ran to the glove box of the Olds, popping the trunk and retrieving his own Louisville Slugger. The crowd surrounding the melee was now fully aware of what was happening, and cars started heading for the exits in nervous anticipation, as someone had shouted "Gun". I saw one swing of the bat by the bald guy, but it was a strike. Had he connected, I'm sure the head of the target would still be flying over Waverly Hills. Some witnesses rose up to protect the advancement of the bald guy and claimed to be heavily armed. The six youths (6), now outnumbered nearly twenty (20) to six (6) returned to the Olds and went into escape mode. They were last seen heading south on Dixie Highway, then West on Stephan Drive. The police were called to the scene and dropped a net on the area. I know not if the youths were captured.

The bald guy calmly placed his bat in the backseat, refusing offers of free beer from witnesses and exited the station. He was last seen northbound on Dixie Highway.

As I said before, it is not known what started the incident. But it was solved one way or another, and all will live to fight another day. Tensions and anxiety are high these days, and everyone seems to operating on a hair trigger.

If you are going out into this craziness, pack some heat. I prefer the 12-gauge Remington. It is unmistakable, easily brandished and calms crowds immediately upon arrival to the discussion. Try to keep a level head. Current conditions do not warrant violence. There is enough of everything to go around. Turn off the TV, and clear your head of the panic it induces. Things are simply not that bad.


  1. Awesome story and great advice!

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